Cat Jackson

So, this afternoon a big package came for me from Old Navy and Gap (because you can order from ON, BR, Gap, & Piperlime at the same time now! Woo!!!). It consisted of: three t-shirts, four tank tops, two pairs of yoga capris, and like...I don't even know how many different pairs of panties. I stopped counting at seven. All the shops were having big sales, and there was a lot of cute stuff, so...yeah. Anyway.

If Brett is home when I get a package, I always make him stand next to me and check out what I got. He's always very nice with the oohs and aahs, but he's also good at saying things like, "That makes your boobs look funny." or "Those puffy sleeves are awful. I really, really hate them." Which I appreciate. Because I'd much rather be told that my tits look weird and my sleeves are ugly BEFORE I leave the house.

I still get a little catty when he critiques, but today my comebacks weren't exactly...snappy:

ME
(holds up the guh-gillionth pair of panties - a particularly thongy-looking thong)
Eh?

BRETT
(stares quizzically)
Those look a little long in the crotch...

ME
(squints angrily)
YOU look a little long in the crotch.

BRETT
(blinks, pauses, then says cheerfully)
Why thank you!

ME
(glares with the displeasure of defeat)

BRETT
(beams triumphantly)

ME
(holds up the first of the t-shirts)
Eh?

BRETT
Is that one for showing off your bra? Because the fabric looks really thin.

ME
(pouts, wounded)
NO! And maybe YOU look really thin.

BRETT
(baffled; beams once again)
Thanks! That's fine by me.

ME
(sighs with confusion and self-disappointment)
What is WRONG with me?

I honestly don't remember what his response was. I think I was still reeling from the shock of my own lack of wit. Ugh.

Aaron Burkhalter said...

Welcome to my life. Every snappy comeback I give to Megan fails miserably... And I've found that you can never through a "your mom" comment at a spouse. That's just yicky to think about.

Eventually I get frustrated and just yell "So's your face!" even if it doesn't make logical sense.

6/27/2008 8:16 PM

Cat Jackson said...

Buahaha...I'll have to try "So's your face!" sometime. If nothing else, in a REAL argument it could ease some tension.

My brother Sam uses "your MOM [blahblahblah]" on me all the time, and we all have a good laugh, because despite the fact that MOST of my siblings are "brothas (or sistas) from anotha motha," Sam and I actually share the SAME mom.

Ah...blended families.

6/27/2008 8:28 PM

jonsthoughts said...

Baahaa! Your wit's dead. Like my ability to compose a useful comment.

6/30/2008 8:49 PM

Cat Jackson said...

Indeed. Though, I have to say - I've been using Aaron's "So's your face!" retort quite a bit over the last couple of days, and so far it's gone pretty well. :D

6/30/2008 9:24 PM

Kimberly said...

You're one of my favorite people in the world because you admit things like this in an amazingly hilarious way. I know it may not seem like it because I'm so busy and we don't talk often, but it's true.

so's your face!

7/08/2008 5:49 AM

Cat Jackson said...

Baha. Yeah, I am hilarious. And oddly enough, I think the reason I'm able to admit things like this is because I have an ego the size of a monster truck, so it doesn't faze me when I do stupid things, because I still think I'm awesome.

Just like my brother Joe can wake up drunk, covered in ketchup and strange burns, in some dude's bed, wearing nothing but a Jäger hat and a soaking wet pair of undies, have no idea how he got there, and still think he's awesome.

Well, maybe my ego isn't THAT big. But I'm also not that hilarious, so there ya go.

Also, All seven of my sibs who were at the coast with us last week are now in on the joke as well.

Things have actually gotten a little out of hand. It's pretty bad. Here's one of like eight gillion examples:

MARIA
(to Cat, while doing a puzzle)
That piece doesn't fit there.

CAT
Yer FACE doesn't fit there.

SAM
So's yer FACE.

BRETT
YOU'RE a little long in the crotch.

Damn we're retarded. I love it.

7/08/2008 10:58 AM