So maybe instead of promising to post more frequently, I'll just promise to write about whatever I feel like writing about at that moment, rather than whatever I think people are expecting me to mention.
On that note, I *DO* want to mention that...Ali had her baby!!! He is so sweet and cute Icouldjustdie. ♥.♥ For photos of my brand new nephew Esmond, my almost-brand-new niece Nevada, and random other stuff, go here.
And now for the topic that actually motivated me to post today (WARNING! This will be TMI for like, 99.99% of the world's population):
OMG. If you're ever packin' and you want to take a dump so bad you think your head will explode, just eat a LOT of fruit.
I haven't been eating very balanced meals lately...kind of just eating what I feel like which, for me, usually means eating more protein than I should, and not enough produce. DEFINITELY not enough fiber. My favorite breakfast is a couple of ounces of almonds and a can of V-8 (I hate cooking in the morning, and I'm not a fan of simple carbs for breakies, so...yeah.), but while drinking a can of V-8 technically counts as eating produce, its fiber content is pretty non-existent. The almonds actually contain more fiber than the can of V-8. I often skip lunch, and then eat a big dinner, which always contains at least one vegetable, but I still sometimes end up eating about half the fruit/veg that I'm supposed to.
We were pretty busy last week, so rather than bothering to make more of an effort with my food, I decided to just take a whole bunch of fiber. I actually really like fiber (it's not just for grandpas!), and uuusually it's a sure-fire way to um...clean house. But this week it totally sux0red, and despite the fact that I took it several times (AND drank plenty of water), my poops were still refusing to be dropped off at the pool.
By Saturday it was so bad that I was having trouble sleeping, I had a terrible headache, and I tried a...um...well, one of these. (They're not just for colonoscopy patients and fetishists!) It wasn't my first time using one, so I know I did it correctly and everything, but still...all I got out was pretty much just what I'd put in. Then we had a BBQ, and I ate a bunch of beef, some popcorn, alcohol...you know - pretty much the opposite of what you should eat if you want to take a good dump. Then yesterday I ate more beef and beer. :/
Finally, last night, I'd had it. So I whipped up a little fruit salad (and by "little," I mean one mango, two peaches, half a cantaloupe, two cups of chopped strawberries, a quarter cup of raspberries, about a cup and a half of cherries, a bunch of grapes, and a few sprigs of chopped mint), and within twenty minutes I'd eaten about half of it.
All night my stomach churned and cramped. I tossed and turned and tried to sleep, but I was sooo uncomfortable. When I got up this morning, I knew the Big Day had arrived. Because I'm disgusting (and overly curious), I weighed myself first. Then I took The Happiest Dump Ever. Then I weighed myself again: I'd lost exactly three pounds. Three pounds. Of dump. Three pounds. Apparently, if anyone I talked to over the weekend thought I was full of shit, they were correct.
Because you can never have too much of a good thing (except possibly liquor. Or cocaine.), I ate the rest of my delicious fruit salad for breakfast this morning, along with my usual almonds and V-8.
Here's hoping for another three pounds! :D
